When you get interrupted while speaking the impact is never positive. Dealing with colleagues who don’t listen is both hard and frustrating. What are the reasons people interrupt? What emotions does the person who is interrupted have to deal with ? read on from the diary of an executive who was interrupted.
Listen to me and you will know that I can add value.
The diary of an angry executive who was interrupted !
Tina was to present her ideas for improving packaging, to her colleagues, her manager and to a couple of seniors from other departments. She was well prepared and she was confident that the ideas were very good. She was looking forward to creating an impact. After her current packaging report, she went on to talk about her first idea about new packaging material. She started off on the new material and its advantages.
Before the idea was even well explained, one of her senior colleagues spoke out unsolicited ‘Yes this is good but let me add another perspective’ and went on to talk about something not connected to her idea or what she was presenting. After a minute her manager joined the conversation with the colleague and talked about his experience in the past……and it became a ‘free flow’ and everyone digressed from the presentation. Everyone half narrated their experiences, opinions and harped about their contributions etc.
She was just standing there all ‘foxed’ and ‘lost’.The meeting was rescheduled for the next day.
Tina felt demotivated, unappreciated, worthless, insulted and angry. A lot of emotions, all together.
The other meeting participants were not even aware of what they had just done!
Tina was on an emotional brink and no one was aware. Back in her cubicle, she was thinking aloud and penning down what she felt in her diary. Here is an excerpt:
Why do you interrupt me? Are you trying to tell me that:-
- You are not even aware that you interrupted me?
- Really? You have a very low level of self-awareness and you are insensitive.
- You need to learn the art of listening. Do have patience and graciously say that you would like to make a point after me. As basic office manners, listen and just wait for the presenter to finish !
- You know more than me?
- Yes, you are more experienced and you may know more than me, but I have studied and prepared on this topic, may be my perspective and experience is different. You do have an inflated ego !
- Just be mature enough to spend two minutes listening and probably you may get a ‘cue’ from what I have to say.
- You think your idea is better than mine?
- You interrupted before I could complete! Then how do you know that your idea is better? Wait till I complete and then compare.
- You were so excited about something that popped in your mind that you had to interrupt me and share it?
- That is just not fair. Focus on what the presentation is all about and learn to control your extraneous thoughts.
- Probably you feel that you would forget your point by the time I finish
- You have a notepad, write it down or train your memory !
- Or do you feel I may take all the time and then you will not get an opportunity to talk and impress your seniors? It’s not about power play ?
- Don’t worry I would not have exceeded my time. If you are not scheduled in the agenda then allow me my time. Speak after I have finished. Senior colleagues would also see you as someone who is rude and interrupts a speaker. That is not a good impression ! You will get your time and I can assure you that I won’t interrupt you.
- Did you even notice how I felt ?
- No? You are really insensitive. I felt insulted, worthless, angry, demotivated. Everything at the same time and you did not even notice and now I am even feeling insignificant.
- Did you not go to primary school?
- In my school I was taught basic etiquette – DO NOT interrupt when people are talking. That is the reason I did not interrupt you all. Was I wrong ? I must be wrong !!
Do you like to be interrupted? No.… then why do you interrupt others ??
As an executive coach, I believe it is important that we learn the art of listening. It encourages people to think better, improves relationships and has many more advantages.
The first step is not to interrupt. Admitting that you’re an “interrupter” is a step in the right direction. You can immediately start with a few pointers mentioned below. Be especially conscious when you are interrupting your juniors.
- Believe that everyone has a unique point of view and that they can make positive contributions. Be open to listen.
- Carry a notebook. Write down before the start of the meeting in capital ‘DO NOT INTERRUPT, you will get your turn’ That will make you aware and conscious.
- In case you have a thought, pen it and talk about it when your turn comes.
- If you have to interrupt, acknowledge & seek permission but avoid to the best possible extent.
- Be sensitive to the other persons emotions. Expressing is a stressful task for many people. Don’t add to it.
- Practice Breathing and slowing down and bring your mind to the present allowing you to focus on listening.
- If you have resolved to stop interrupting tell your accountability partner about it and ask them to signal you if you do interrupt.
When you talk you’re only repeating what you already know, but if you listen you may learn something new !
Dalai Lama
